The Parody of the Ring
by bra twilight
Summary: I parody LotR. Sam gets turned into a pancake, Gandalf is a crybaby, the One Worm, and it gets weirder...


The Parody of the Ring  
tinuviel  
(based on combination of movie and book, some SLIGHT differences that are mostly major)  
  
1: A Long-Expected Party  
  
Frodo lay on the grass, reading a book called "Why Hobbits are Half-Wits in the Old Legends" written by Sauron Blackhand. Now of course, our DEAR Frodo suspected NOTHING of the true nature of this book, even though it insulted all hobbits.  
  
You see, Frodo was stupid. He did not have brains because he was dropped on the head as a little hobbit and his brains fell out. He was supposed to be waiting for Gandalf the Grey Crybaby but he forgot about his meeting with the former.  
  
So now, Gandalf the Grey Crybaby began to cry. Very loudly. And STUPID Frodo finally remembered his meeting. "Oh, Gandalf do not cry! I remembered see!"  
  
Gandalf the Grey Crybaby pouted. "You're late." "Hobbits are never late. They always arrive exactly when they mean to." Frodo said, adjusting his binoculars (which he thought were glasses). Gandalf sniffled and Frodo waved his hands frantically. "NO! NO! Do not cry!"  
  
They rode a dancing jukebox to Bag End, Bilbo's house. Frodo tried the ten pound combination lock. Only... THAT STUPID IDIOT FRODO FORGOT THE COMBINATION! He looked cute and smiled and it fell off. Don't ask me why, I just narrate this stupid thing. Oh yeah, and insult the characters.  
  
Sam came up and waved a dustpan in Frodo's face. "Are you alive? Mr. Frodo?" Gandalf hit him unconscious with his stick. Thank Iluvatar for our poor hobbits, it was the night of the party. Yay! They're gonna leave this dump!  
  
Finally, after hours of pointless idiotic statements, it was time for the party. Everyone went to Bilbo's backyard and had a lot of food. Only, BILBO DOESN'T HAVE A BACKYARD! Stupid hobbits. So they ate on his roof. Gandalf brought his fire crackers.  
  
Rosie Cotton started dancing and Frodo pushed Sam into her. Well, Sam's unconscious body anyway. It turned red. Frodo laughed at him, then tripped over a pebble and landed on Merry and Pippin.  
  
The fire cracker in Pippin's hand exploded so they all got blown up as the fire dragon god came out but since they haven't had their part in this stupid story yet, they all came back to life. Gandalf asked one wish of the fire dragon god, "I wish for a cookie." Everyone tackled him for making such a stupid wish and the dragon disappeared.  
  
Bilbo stood up and said, "I'm gonna make a long and boring speech." Everyone shouted "YAY!"  
  
"First of all, I love Arwen and I wanna go to Rivendell and get a manicure. Then I wanna buy a car and go to the moon. Next I wanna convince Arwen that she's in love with me. The great me. Not that stupid Dunadan who's too darn sexy for his own good. Then I wanna be an Elf. Then I wanna marry Arwen. Then I wanna be a king."  
  
Everyone was listening intently with wide eyes.  
  
"Then I wanna make Gandalf cry. Then I wanna be the Lord of the Rings. Then I wanna change the name of this fic to "Bilbo Rules the World". Then I wanna kill all dwarves and Men. Then I wanna be the supreme ruler of the earth. And then... GOODBYE!" he shouted and was SUPPOSED to disappear only...  
  
"WHO STOLE MY RING?!"  
  
Merry raised his hand. "A! Now gimme a million bucks--AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he was pulled away by Pippin and the two ran off into the distance. Bilbo sat down and cried. And cried. And got out his motorcycle. And rode away to Rivendell. And rode out of this chapter.  
  
Frodo cheered. "HIP HIP HOORAY! NOW BILBO'S GONE!" Everyone cheered along with him and they started listening to pop music at mega bass, so even people in Lothlorien heard the music. Heck, I think Sauron heard it in Mordor where the orcs live.  
  
Finally the party ended and Frodo gave everyone CDs from Bilbo's secret stash and became Bilbo's official heir. Lobelia and Otho Sackville Baggins were very happy that he was Bilbo's heir. Everyone went away and NO ONE bothered him except Gandalf.  
  
Gandalf said, "You gotta go get the Ring from Merry and Pippin." So Gandalf used his powers and got the Ring from Merry and Pippin and Frodo burped and said, "Mary had a little lamb."  
  
Gandalf went away and Frodo slept in peace for seventeen, or was it twenty-seven?, years. Then chapter 2 began and I don't feel like including that in chapter one because that sounds stupid. But don't worry, Frodo will be going away soon!  
  
The End.  
  
So, how did you like it?  
  
I am going to do all three books this way! Yay! I might even do the Silmarillion!  
  
Bye bye,  
  
tinuviel  
  
E-mail me at nightmarechan@hotmail.com with any questions or comments.  
  
Oh, and if you wanna flame this, HAVE REASONS AND STATE THEM CLEARLY! I'm sick of people who say, "Hey dude don't diss Frodo". Why shouldn't I? GIVE ME A REASON FOR FLAMING ME IN YOUR FLAMES DUDES! Thank you. 


End file.
